This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
