whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
