So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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