this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
