(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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