All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
