bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
How external is "for external use only"?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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