Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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