Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
