After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
