I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
