is your mom at the bar?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
