Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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