So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
