Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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