So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
