omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
