I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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