as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
