I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
