Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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