3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
