Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
