Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
