I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
