I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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