That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
And then my night got REAL pukey
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
