Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
