I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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