why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
