MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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