I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
