You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Your penis caused this!
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