my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You made out with two different species that night
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
