when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
