Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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