yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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