there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
