bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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