I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
