I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
