Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
