i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
