Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
