U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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