I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
