im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
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