i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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