my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
How does it feel to date your dad?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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