I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
