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Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
