I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Randomize
