I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
