My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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